Tearing oneself apart from the inside is a difficult concept to portray visually.
This was the third painting I made in that. I was feeling better physically, enough so to stretch a large canvas. In the under painting of acrylic gesso mixed with plaster and semen, I painted an equation, with my blood. In essence it describes the population of the earth at the time I painted this, divided by the claimed wealth of all nations, which then equals the amount you are entitled to. No questions, no legal defence allowed. You are all way over budget. Time to stop. I followed the equation with an acrylic under painting of a nuclear explosion. Which was followed by the self portrait ripping my face off.
I called it tri-polar because I did not agree with my psychiatrist. All you have is on or off, I have an in between which allows me to divert the rage in us all into art. Do you? I think that is how art happens.
I have repainted this image a few times, 5 I think. I have one here in my studio. I will probably paint it again.
‘M-16’, acrylic on paper. 2014. I usually get carried away in my head when I like the image. I can use it then as an icon to represent something else. In this case war. I wonder if its related to the repetitive thinking I have, often. Some thank me for recognizing their value defending us, others see it as something far more troubling. The militarization of everything.
Haunted by Orwell.
This is a digital version I have played with. I would like to get more 3d into the image. When I make this one again I will use plaster instead of paint. Build it onto a sheet of plywood.
An unquiet mind. A long time ago, decades before I was diagnosed as bipolar ( the name seems to shift with the movements of psychiatry) I discovered drawing without thinking helped with the agitation that is ongoing with bipolar disorder. I would liken it to meditation, which I have tried but I prefer the physical act of drawing to contribute to the universe. Not quite doodling though, these usually take a lot of time, my body can be physically exhausted, but my mind will not shut up. For days this can go on, seemingly endless. When I was young, I could put it to use working, but now its just exhausting. The digital work is useful then, I can make an eBook from all the work already in hand. And having an actual hardcover of these works is even better. So much of my work, even now, is very large. Too large for most normal living room walls.
I made this slideshow type video for a show I had in 2012. There were more paintings than wall space, and the gallery had kindly offered a 48″ television with a USB port to carry a video on a loop. I made the soundtrack with garage band on the 2009 iMac I had. It worked well and I was able to show more of this series of paintings.
The idea came from watching what was going on in the middle eastern countries at that time, 2011. The first pieces are from Syria, and an echo from the past as the same people are doing the bombing on the Ukraine today.
The idea still seems relevant, considering what we are all seeing in Eurasia. It is murder on an enormous scale.